Baking Bad – Sexy Chicken Roast



Get one nice whole succulent chicken, preferably one that reminds you of that girl/guy you remember from high school.

Make a few slits on the thighs and fleshy parts (Ok, focus, you dirty mind…)


Mix juice of one lemon, lots of pepper and generous amount of salt. Add half spoon cumin powder and crushed ginger (or ginger paste) 

Now put the chicken in a zip lock bag and pour the seasoning into the bag. Add some olive oil to this. Seal the bag and massage the seasoning into the chicken like that time you spent in Thailand. Leave this for at least one full day in the chiller. Or freeze it for a few days and thaw on the day you want to cook. 

Lots of patience, just like that girl/guy from school. 

Then when you’re ready to cook, take the chicken out of the chiller and bring it to room temperature. 

Stuff a whole garlic into the chicken. Yeah there only where you’re thinking… 

Pre heat oven to 350 °F 

Line a baking tray with foil and brush some olive oil. 

Heap some carrots, celery & brussel sprouts or any other veggies. You can skip veggies altogether like a true Neanderthal. Place the chicken and drizzle the seasoning from the bag. Sprinkle some olive oil. Make a tent with foil over the chicken and roast for 1 hr. Then remove the tent and roast for 15 mins until the outer layer is browned. 

Turn off the oven and let it sit for 5 minutes. 

Remove, carve and serve. Your chances of getting laid have just shot up, if you did this right. Thank me later.